Lake Waco Monster Article

MONSTER ON THE ATTACK IN WACO?

             by R.F.

     photo of suspected monster - taken by R.F.

The following story is completely fictionalized. Any names of individuals, institutions or organizations here mentioned  should not in actuality be associated with the events of this story in any manner.

Today the search continues for eight Baylor University students reported missing after last being seen at Lake Waco in Waco, Texas, and there are new developments in theories of their absences.

The students consist of four sets of couples, and were reported missing at different times throughout the week of May 21 – 27. Waco local police, along with the Texas Ranger Division of the Texas Department of Public Safety, are still on the hunt for the cause of these students’ disappearances.

Waco officials are not providing information on the identity of any potential suspects, but released a statement Sunday that they suspected the disappearances to be the work of a serial killer, as the disappearances share a common theme, which is a mark of a serial killer’s actions, said Waco Police Chief Elijah Hopkins. 

Suspicions have changed, however, as clues are leading many, including police, to suspect the disappearances to be the work not of someone, but something, Hopkins said. Many locals and now people following the story across the globe believe that the disappearances have been the work of a Lake Waco monster.  

Many boaters and jet skiers on the lake have, within the past three weeks, reported to Waco Parks & Recreation of seeing the breaching of large, pink tentacles from the water’s surface – tentacle sizes varying in description from lengths of ten feet to as long as 30 feet. Local biologists have been investigating the reports, Hopkins said, but only recently have people from Waco and beyond begun to connect the “monster” sightings to the disappearances of Baylor couples.

"No one wants to explain these events saying that a monster caused all this, but everything coming together like this sure does make you wonder," Hopkins said.

Kurt Riboflavin, Md., a local dentist, takes his boat out on the lake twice a month, and has reported seeing not only large tentacles come out of the waters, but also a glossy, human-like eye the size of a breakfast table, Riboflavin said.

“It was like nothing I’ve ever seen,” Riboflavin said. “I was so mad that I didn’t get a good picture of it when I had the chance. I sure as heck plan to, though! Why, when we had that tornado last summer, I ran outside my house and got award-winning footage of that sucker! There isn’t any way I’m going to miss out on this!”

Monday, biologists from across the nation, as well as marine biologists from Australia, Indonesia and Somalia arrived and began investigating the lake, along with a team of deep-sea divers from Florida, but found no evidence of a lake monster.

Tuesday, Waco police and the Texas Rangers made an executive decision to call upon the assistance of professionals whose specializations they deemed fit for the situation at hand. Dr. Indiana Jones, a globally recognized investigative archaeologist, as well as New York supernatural extermination team  the Ghostbusters, were flown in to examine the lake. 

After 12 hours of searching with no success, Jones and the Ghostbusters made a collaborative decision to call upon the aid of History Channel “Ancient Aliens” documentary star, Giorgio A. Tsoukalos.  After two hours of examining the waters and bank areas of the lake, Tsoukalos released this statement:

“I can find no evidence from my examination that would lead me to conclude that these disappearances are the act of any human,” Tsoukalos said. “There are no weapons left behind, there is no duct tape or other forms of restraint, no writing on any rocks in blood that says ‘help, I’ve been kidnapped.’ Therefore, the only logical conclusion to this mystery, in my professional opinion, is that the disappearances were caused by something inhuman. I’m not saying it’s a lake monster. But, it’s a lake monster.”

This statement has lead all involved in the search to absolve all efforts to search for a human culprit, Hopkins said, with the exception of Texas Ranger forensic specialist, Officer John Notcrazy.

“This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed in my twenty years of work with investigators,” Notcrazy said.

 Wednesday, Jones, after consultations with the Ghostbusters, announced that he believed they might have found a possible explanation of the origin of a lake monster that attacks Baylor student couples.

“We found that about two months ago a female Baylor biology student was working on a lab project that involved mutations in fresh-water squid,” Jones said, not releasing the identity of the student in question. “On Valentine’s Day she was dumped by her boyfriend. We’ve theorized that in a fit of rage, she mutated the squid she was working with and dumped it in the lake, allowing it to grow exorbitantly. Now at its master’s bidding, we think the squid must be taking revenge on all happy couples from Baylor who visit the lake for a romantic evening.”

Police encourage all Wacoans to refrain from “getting smooch-y” at the lake until further details emerge about the disappearances, Hopkins said.

Anyone with information on the disappearances of the students at the lake, whose names are available at www.mylegitches.rf.com, are asked to contact authorities immediately at 1-800-LOVE-THE-LAKE-EVEN-IF-IT-HAS-A-GIANT-MONSTER-WHICH-IT-TOTALLY-DOES.